why was i crying? (i remember Bette Midler's bra song, but not this?)

I can’t remember one of the funniest things I ever heard.

We were sitting around the table at my brother’s house…a bunch of my family, including my octogenarian grandmother.

I don’t remember what we were talking about---or even what she said---but I know it was on point, funny as hell, completely unexpected, and I think had something to do with my mom and her boobs.

I DO remember crying with laughter. And having a deeper appreciation for my grandma’s wit. She didn’t let it fly often, but when she did, she stuck the landing.

One of the things I’ve looked forward to about aging is losing my filter. Or, more precisely, having it be socially acceptable to not have one.

I’m not sure what that age is. But as I’m approaching 49, I’m going to say it’s 49. Or *checks calendar* 48 and 10 months. Because the filter is stupid.

Now, perhaps this belief is because it’s been a constant struggle for me. My filter is often less filter-y and more sieve-with-gaping-holes-y. 

Because one of the fun things about ADHD is the tendency to overshare. Which can be awkward at times. And can lead to a lot of late-night “why did you say THAT?!” ruminations.

But at the same time, it can be so helpful--even life-changing.

Ages ago, a pediatrician friend told me when she saw infants in the hospital, she’d let the moms know the first two weeks can be really hard, even if no one talks about it.

She told me, “Women do each other a disservice by not sharing how hard parts of life can be.”

And she was right.

Which is why some random strangers heard more than they bargained for about my infertility journey. Because sometimes women who were also struggling heard my story. And they learned they weren’t alone.

(And if someone wasn't struggling and didn't want to hear how I was in stirrups in front of my nurse so often she'd've noticed my new bikini wax before she'd've noticed my new haircut, well, maybe they shouldn't have asked.)

There's no martyr prize

When we try to be strong, or do it all, or pretend everything’s fine, not only are we suffering alone, we’re contributing to the perception that the problems we face don’t exist.

Which means other people feel alone with their problems. And that sucks.

I talk about this, and the trauma it can lead to on Overcoming the Podcast with Dr.Taelor, OTD in an episode titled Finding Where You Fit at Work (+ in the World)  We also talk about a lot more because Taelor is ridiculously insightful and takes our conversation in so many different ways and I'm thrilled to have her as a new friend!

Anyway, it's important for us to be open about hard things like miscarriage, infertility, eldercare, neurodiversity, parenting, or mental health issues and trauma.

And it's just as important that we talk about the challenges we face in our careers or our businesses. Especially if you’re a solo business owner.

We all need the support and camaraderie of people who get what we're going through. So if you don't have one, I highly recommend finding a community.

Remember, even if you're on your own, it doesn’t mean you have to go it alone.

Grateful for all the wind beneath my wings*,

Kristen

PS *I saw the first "Beaches" in 9th grade with my best friend, Katie. We sobbed, naturally.